i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
