You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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