then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
