So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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