Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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