Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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