He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
