3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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