I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
