Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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