So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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