I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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