I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
