did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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