He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
