I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
