Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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