I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The adults are the big ones right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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