How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
