My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
