question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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