I wish my penis had an off switch
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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