Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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