he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
