I think my vagina is haunted
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
