Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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