I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
