I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
