you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
