She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
