Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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