Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
