he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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