Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
