yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
