i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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