Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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