How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
