the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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