i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
