it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
