Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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