I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
