He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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