Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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