anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
