You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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