my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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