Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
