Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
