How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
