I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
