I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize