Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
