i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
