Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
