he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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