I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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