My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
