the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
