i'm lost and i look like a hooker
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
