I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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