why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
