But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
