Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How external is "for external use only"?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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