I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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