i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
