so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
