I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
