we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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