How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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