Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
