If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf