the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back