Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it