they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual