She said her name was "party"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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