i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.