best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!