Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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