im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
