Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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