i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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