for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
