I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize