All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
