Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.

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(609): Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS. http://tfl.nu/xjwy

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

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(413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung http://tfl.nu/rtj3

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(973): View more from New Jersey

They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

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(973): They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it. http://tfl.nu/8sm7

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(770): View more from Georgia

Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

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(770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c

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(802): View more from Vermont

i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.

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(802): i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/lstw

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(609): View more from New Jersey

id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

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(609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I'm eager to hear this explaination.

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(423): Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog... (1-423): I'm eager to hear this explaination. http://tfl.nu/jgrb

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.

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(413): Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question. http://tfl.nu/3n7q

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney

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(215): Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney http://tfl.nu/cbnm

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(480): View more from Arizona

oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund

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(480): oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund http://tfl.nu/xo4q

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(716): View more from New York

I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.

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(716): I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable. http://tfl.nu/tziy

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(416): View more from Toronto

You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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(416): You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams. http://tfl.nu/dmv7

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(914): View more from New York

Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?

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(914): Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun? http://tfl.nu/1gt4

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(847): View more from Illinois

told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..

(630): View more from Illinois

how did he take it?

(847): View more from Illinois

not as well as i would have thought

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(847): told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex.. (630): how did he take it? (847): not as well as i would have thought http://tfl.nu/nj94

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(352): View more from Florida

I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.

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(352): I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father. http://tfl.nu/ymcy

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