How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.