I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him