You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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