it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb