I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.